Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
