I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
