sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
