Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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