my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
