Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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