you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
