I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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