Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're too hungover to prance.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
