Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize