Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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