Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize