I just saw a hot homeless man
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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