It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize