If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And then he peed in my hair
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