Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
