she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
