Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
