Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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