Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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