Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
