I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
