You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
