I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
