And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
