I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
