I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
