Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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