lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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