put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
