everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
