she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
