If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
