u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize