I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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