I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
