Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
