YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
