I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
