But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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