yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
