please come you make the beer taste better
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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