He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
