Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
