She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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