I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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