remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
