Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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