Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
