How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
