You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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