the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
