the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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