Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
