I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
