His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
