This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
