who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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