The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize