dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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