I want to have your abortion
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize