Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize