You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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