So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
