my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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