so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
