I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
