And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
