I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize