chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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