Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
