Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Even my vagina gasped.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
