Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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