i think my tv is drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
