how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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