I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
