tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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